the post-karmic stream

I stumbled across a tweet the other day that alluded to man’s desire for control in all things. It is something I’ve spent a ton of time thinking about in trying to root out that idol in my own life. In thinking about it, I’ve come to a surprising conclusion that really shouldn’t be so surprising.

Almost everything we do, buy, and aspire to be is tied to our deep yearning for control.

It is most clear to me in traffic. I am not opposed to traffic, I understand why it exists, and I know exactly how to avoid it. And yet, at times, I am stuck in it. My blood pressure is rising just thinking about it. I want to be where I want to be when I want to be there. And all of the other people are crowding the highway and usurping my will!!

We hate being out of control.

Have a smart phone? You control information. Directions to the restaurant, communication over various streams, memories in the form of snapshots.

Have a mortgage? You control your residential destiny. No one can kick you out or tell you that you can’t paint that accent wall lime green.

Have a pet? You control another life. Tell it to sit, it sits. Want it to stop chewing your TOMS? Yell at it and it loves and needs you to survive. Without you, it dies of starvation (or at least lack of Beggin’ Strips).

It isn’t fun to start thinking about it at first, this concept of just how desperate we are to control something.

The reality is that all of our control mechanisms really just control us, rein us in, and provide certainty.

The mortgage is a self-made prison spread out over thirty years, which features some financial benefits and a bunch of geographic constraints.

That dog that adores you and is loyal to a fault (providing certainty of affection as you walk in the front door) requires all sorts of resources, including food and exercise and (gasp) you to pick up its poop. Who is in control there again?

That iPhone keeps you connected and in control of all of the data in the world and also serves as an anchor tying you to an office you should be free from, Facebook statuses you shouldn’t care about (but do), and the power of Google in your hand.  All of this creates a NEED to know and an immediacy about information that has you spending more time staring and swiping at a phone than you’d like to admit.

Really…

Helicopter parents aren’t really maniacal deviants, they’re just trying to force an outcome and eliminate as many (uncontrollable) variables as possible.

Dog owners aren’t latent slave-holders, but simply people who have no control over so many things (work, traffic, illness, recession) that having absolute dominion over even one thing sounds like a great idea.

Home-owners aren’t idiots. At least in Texas they aren’t. No need to sell out and become a gypsy family or fret about the economy. Let it ride, move when you need to, and relax a bit - it’ll be worth what it’ll be worth when it’s time to sell.

And, while we’re thinking about it, don’t go throwing your iPhone12 into a lake as a sign of your freedom. Desiring access (read: control) to all of the data streams of your life isn’t wrong, although it may not be entirely healthy.

So what do we do about it?

Being aware, in this case, might be enough. It adds perspective and allows us to make small changes to release our death grip on the controllable aspects of life. Turn off the Email Indicator on your phone. Buy a cat (nah). Let your kid do (or fail to do something) on their own.

And next time you’re in traffic, ease up. Nothing you can do about it anyway. Use that time to check your email again or read more about someone’s perfect life on Facebook. That should help.

freshfusion:

lazyteen:

MO Architekten, concrete stairs with cord crisscrossing to form the sides of the railing.

ahhh love the cord!!!

Sometimes you just need a breakfast taco.

The chains won’t sell them after breakfast time and who really wants a taco from a chain anyway.

So,  the other day, I walk into “our” local taqueria around lunch time.

After I am greeted by name (an underrated event in itself), the owner of the shop asks what I’ll be having. I ask if I can still get breakfast tacos. He confidently replies that I can have whatever I want. He means it.

I order my two tacos and he hollers back into the kitchen (in Spanish), “Grandma, two potato and egg tacos for our friend”…

She cracks the eggs, cuts the potato, and makes me two fresh tacos. Like…FRESH. Into the bag they go, piping hot in their foil blankets.

With them, I am reminded what makes local business so great. It is all about relationship. When a shop owner knows your children by name, it just makes a difference. When you forget your wallet and they tell you to not to worry and to settle up next time, it makes a difference. When you have relationship, it makes a difference.

I got a fresh, home-cooked meal simply because I was known. They have a customer for life because they treat me like family and share the family experience with me.

Where else might relationship make a difference in life?

La Bandera Molino - Tell them Kyle sent you…

Hey! @MLS is back. We may not have Beckham, but we’ll always have the Beckham face. Cc: @crocketteers

Omina by Deborah Remington, San Antonio Museum of Art

Deborah Remington on the “constant reconstruction of meaning”…

I assume at this point that almost everyone has been caught up on what makes an introvert versus what makes an extrovert.

In a nutshell, an extrovert draws energy from people while an introvert is drained of energy by people.

In her book “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking”, Susan Cain use a term for how introverts see other people that I wasn’t ready to accept. THREATS. 

Cain wrote that a extrovert walks into a room full of people (strangers or familiar faces, no matter) and sees a room of opportunity. They see possible connections, relationships, shared information, and energy.

In the same way, an introvert walks into a room full of people (again - strangers or familiar faces) and sees threats. Threats! They see a room full of people ready to drain the life from them with connections, questions, and soul-crushing small-talk.

I’ll admit that when I first read Cain’s choice of verbiage - threats! - I was both thrilled that someone had finally nailed how it feels for the huddled introverts of the world and ashamed that such a word (no matter how accurate) would cause me to look more withdrawn and paranoid than I already felt.

But she absolutely has her finger on the button. 

I’ve come to realize that it is in no way daunting to sit at the end of a long table or in the corner of a crowded party and entertain one or two guests. The exercise isn’t energizing, but is in no way terrifying. Individuals can be assessed, conversed with, and sized up as they are felt out.

The threat-level only rises when the parade of faces grows and the expectation to meet, chat, know, and remember grows with it. Instead of an intimate encounter (and 3 people in a sea of millions is still intimate), we have a massive collision of possible scenarios, which are troubling to the sensitive soul.

And that is what Cain identified that made even more sense. Sensitivity is often a great indicator of introversion. It is precisely that greater sensitivity (like all things a simultaneous strength and weakness depending on context) that makes a room full of ambiguous people threatening. There is less protective shielding, less ability to deflect, and little hope for escape.

The compounding effect then occurs when the sensitive introvert reads too much about introversion, internalizes all of the information, and then begins to look at the world with even more threatened glances, knowing a bit too well that they live in a world designed for others and dominated by outwardly energized people.

Which leads us back to threats. And paranoia.

I have learned to explain in less than a few minutes how this all works itself out in me. I have learned to accept that I sound a bit paranoid and am yet proud that my acknowledgment of the wiring I’ve been given helps me better endure the energy-draining events of life and better enjoy those moments of silence and solitude…those moments where threats are far off and the only people in the room can be quickly dismissed by simply closing the cover of the book.